Pasa pasa....

Pasa Pasa, is what it means to have no style your own in Panama. You are basically a follower. Examples of pasa pasa are ultra skinny jeans in some God awful color, like green or yellow. OR having a scuba tight short on and parachute pants that are jeans, but, not really with an old 80s style biker hat on. And there will be GROUPS of kids(at least I assume they are kids) together dressed the same, like they are some dance crew off of "So You Think You Can Dance". And the reason I say I assume that it is kids wearing these fashions are because most of the people you see on any given day look like they are anywhere from 15-17 years old when reality is, they are probably 26...
It's weird out here man. Just me walking in the mall in my norm, plain T-shirt, plain Levis 511s, and some Chucks or Vans, people look at me like I am crazy. Or, obviously, from out of town. I guess I am the trend setter out here. Pretty sad, huh?

A brand new day..

I have had a wonderful day today. Went to the pool. Now on my way to the mall. Should be a great afternoon!!

Ahhh, the ups and downs.

I am totally going to be 30 next week. I have accomplished a lot in my short time on this Earth. Made many friends along the way. Multiple parts of the country and even other countries. I have also missed out on a lot. Nothing that still can't be done though....

Oh happy day.... so far. lol

Woke up this morning, sick again, and am in the best mood. It is crazy hot outside on this January morning, so the pool might be getting a talking to today. I got a business opportunity handed to me yesterday that should be good. Just have to network with some Panamanians... Good luck for me.. Now who has a venue for some music  to be played?!?!

Bipolar...

So I am bipolar... so what?! I go through up and down moods like one of the Golden Girls in their silver days. I am worse  than most overly emotional women that I know. Is there a cure or just a pill for this? If so, would somebody let me in on this little secret?!?! PLEEEEASE!!!

Over it.

Over that lingering sad feeling all the damn time. It is a brand new day and I DESERVE to be truly happy and gratified. I WILL NOT keep doing this self-sabotage anymore. I am about to turn into a new chapter of my life and I can not continue this way... 30 YEARS OLD.
My God, I never thought it would be here so soon. Suck it up!

Home...?

When you are a gypsy, or nomad, where is your home?
Is it your birthplace?
Is it the first place you moved to that felt like home?
Is it the place where you first fell in love?
Does family MAKE your home, or, are you capable of having a home without blood?
Somebody tell me because I just want to go home.

My God....

I am living a lie. I just discovered this fact. I am living my life like a happy person, but, I am not. I am trying SO hard to mask the fact that I am imperfect and flawed, that I am willing to make myself and others truly unhappy in the process. I am living my life for other peoples success and have for a long time. I am just peoples entertainment and nothing else. I have been the clown for a quite a while now. So long, that I forgot how to live and maintain a real life. Real relationships. Real talk.
I tell myself that I am trying to figure it out, but, am I?
I tell myself that I am going to get it together, but, am I?
I try to tell myself that I am fine and that things ARE going to get better.. Are they?
I am like a broken record. Not the fact that I repeat myself and my actions so much, but, just the broken part.
I just feel like I can't fix me. I know that nobody else can. I truly feel like I have given up a long time ago and have not the slightest idea how to get that spark back and make things right again.
If I could only afford therapy... I would keep a psych RICH!!
Anyway, enough about me.. How are things with you?